How Getting Stoned With My Dad Helped Us Heal
TL;DR
Filmmaker Julian Brave Noisecat shares how reconnecting with his absent father through cannabis rituals and invented games like "Bong Hit Scrabble" helped heal decades of intergenerational trauma rooted in residential school violence, as he prepares to become a father himself.
🏛️ Intergenerational Trauma and Absence 3 insights
Residential school legacy
Julian's father was born at a Canadian Indian residential school designed to "get rid of the Indian problem," systematically destroying Native families' ability to raise their own children.
The art of leaving
Despite being a celebrated Native artist and traditional carver expected to pass the craft father-to-son, Edwin Archie Noisecat abandoned Julian at age six or seven and gave up custody due to alcoholism.
Crazy Horse medicine
Julian believed his father possessed mythic trickster qualities and "Crazy Horse medicine" that made him invisible to police, watching him drive away until he disappeared from sight during rare childhood visits.
🌿 Rituals of Reconnection 3 insights
Moving home at 28
Julian moved back in with his father as an adult, creating the proximity necessary to rebuild their relationship through nightly hangouts rather than sporadic visits.
Bong Hit Scrabble
They bonded through invented stoner games requiring players to take bong hits after spelling words, with his father famously playing "sloppy" as the dictionary rules dissolved.
The good hang
Julian discovered his father was a "good hang" with undeniable charisma and style, allowing them to connect through humor and shared cannabis use rather than traditional father-son activities.
👶 Confronting Fatherhood 3 insights
Teenage reckoning
At 16, Julian called his father to explicitly reject his parenting model, crying and demanding answers about the abandonment while determined to break the cycle of absence.
Talent versus trauma
Julian recognized his father's artistic genius was consistently undermined by unresolved pain and alcoholism, creating a living model of who he did not want to become.
The Oscar test
As his documentary "Sugarcane" earned Oscar recognition while he prepares to become a father himself, Julian grapples with whether he can overcome the genetic and behavioral patterns that defined his childhood.
Bottom Line
You can heal intergenerational trauma by creating new rituals of connection while consciously choosing to show up differently than your own parents did.
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