Why You Should Keep a List of What Makes You Laugh | Chris Duffy | TED

Presence through noticing small absurdities

The foundation of humor is being present enough to notice the strange, unusual details in your immediate environment rather than being overwhelmed by the big picture.

Laughing at yourself without masking insecurities

True humor involves noticing the absurd in yourself without using self-deprecation to mask real insecurities or get ahead of criticism.

Taking social risks to look absurd

Willingness to put yourself out there and not be afraid to be laughed at or look a little absurd creates authentic connection.

Keep a list of what makes you laugh

Document specific small moments that genuinely make you laugh—like a stone-faced dad riding a slide or absurdly vague error messages—to build a reference library for difficult times.

Think small, not big picture

When the world feels overwhelming, focus on tiny details like typos or weird mannequins to find humor without denying larger problems through toxic positivity.

Build the muscle of noticing

Just as birders suddenly hear birds everywhere after learning to listen, keeping a laugh list trains your brain to automatically spot delightful absurdities in daily life.

Laughing with versus performing for

A dating app study revealed heterosexual men wanted partners who laughed at their jokes, while women wanted partners to laugh with, highlighting the difference between demanding attention and sharing delight.

Vulnerability creates connection, not perfection

People connect more with those who acknowledge their messiness through gentle self-mockery than with those who project flawless, intimidating perfection.

Be the audience, not just the performer

If worried about crossing into cruelty, focus on laughing at others' jokes rather than making jokes about them, which provides supportive social affirmation.